Next Time, I'll Just Fly

Warning: This is a rather long story. To make it more convenient for your reading pleasure, I have subtitled sections of the story. To avoid boredom, consider reading one section a day for several days. It might make it more palatable.

"Road Trips"

I have always liked road trips. A nice drive up to some remote place in Idaho, or down to Southern Utah...a chance to have time alone with yourself and time to think about life. Specifically my life.

So that is why, when I got home from my mission, I realized the only way to get back to "normal" was to go on a "mission detox tour" and go on a road trip. By myself. To Texas.

Of course, the main worry I had was about falling asleep. Having been home from my mission for less than a week, I might still be jetlagged, I might still be exhausted, and I might still be exhausted. Yes, missions are exhausting. But when I came home and found myself bursting with energy, I realized that a road trip was definitely in the question, and the answer was yes.

"Snow Storms...and Black Ice"

So I left 4:30 am Tuesday. The drive was great until about 7:30, when I hit Wyoming's famous snow storms. Well, I think I hit just one, but it felt like at least 7! The beginning was not so bad--snow blowing across the road and low visibility. But Matilda (my car) is just not blizzard proof! The road iced over, the wind started blowing even more, and I started praying nonstop: Heavenly Father, I don't want to die! Keep me safe!

The prayer was constantly on my lips for several hours until I pulled off to get gas and breakfast. After weighing my options, I decided to continue on.

"That was a mistake"

Yes, it was. Remember Matilda's windshield wipers? Two speeds, low, and not so low. Always meaning to replace them but never getting around to it, the wipers themselves do little more than smear the liquid around the windshield. Which would not be a problem except for the rather large semi-trucks moving at exceptional speeds for this type of weather. So as I drove on a prayer and 15 mph, the semis would race past, most likely without a prayer and at 45 mph. Their monstrous tires flipped the snow and slush everywhere, causing a lake of dirty slush to pour over my car, which took 5-7 wiper swipes to clear it off. I was no longer worried about slipping off the road on black ice, I was worried about driving into a semi-truck because I couldn't see! When 3 semis in a row raced past me, I really thought I was going to die. I was one of the only non-semis on the road because everyone else had gone off the road! But once again, Heavenly Father protected me and my little car, and I made it safely to the Colorado border.

"My speakers blew up"

This actually happened before my mission and I just never got them fixed. I am cheap like that. But can you imagine going on a 31 hour drive with car speakers that sound like really bad laptop speakers? There was a plus side, though. Because of my broken speakers, although I could not hear things like melodies and harmonies, a couple of previously non-heard parts came out really loud and clear. Like the alto part on my choral arrangments, and the cymbal and the oboe. Really, I never knew these parts were so important until that was all I could hear for 31 hours. Oh, and the talks I had on cd? I have never heard speakers clear their throat or sniffle quite so perfectly!

"The weather's bad, but the people are nice"

I really don't know why anyone would ever live in Wyoming. Miles and miles and hundreds of miles of empty nothingness. But lots of cows, which is a plus I guess. But when I stopped for gas I realized that since the weather is so awful, the people are just like family to make living there more possible. Since I was wearing nice heavy platform sandals (in the blizzard) and I couldn't find my snowscraper, when I stopped for gas I took some time to knock all the ice off my car. With my shoe. (And the bare foot just standing in the snow. It was pretty cool.)

And since I was conveniently parked right next to the gas station door, a large group of people accumulated inside the gas station to watch me knock the ice off my car with my shoe. And then one of them opened the door and yelled to me, "I've never seen that one before! Gotta love this weather, eh?" And a man walking by saw my BYU shirt and said, "Are you from BYU?" When I nodded in the affirmative, he said, "Well, that's alraight." So the weather might be horrible but the people sure are friendly!

"Colorado is safer, right?"

Wrong. When I got to the border, already almost 3 hours behind schedule, I called my mother to have her check the weather--something I conveniently forgot to do before I left! I wanted to know if I made it into Colorado if I would be safe. I didn't want to stay in Wyoming because I knew they would close the freeway (which they did) and there was no way I was going to be stuck in Wyoming. How relieved I was to hear that if I could just make it over the pass, Colorado was only experiencing "rainstorms."

Rainstorms? Rain I can do. So I prayed my way through one more snowstorm and made it into Colorado, only 2 hours behind schedule but still planning on making it to Shayla's house in Oklahoma before I stopped for the night.

And then. Right as I was passing Denver the sky opened up and poured down this mixture of slush and ice and dirty water. It was definitely not a rainstorm--it was more like a slush storm! The ice was building up on the road and people were hydroplaning and going off the road--and remember my windshield wipers? Once again I drove on a prayer as the slush was dumped on my car, both from the sky and passing drivers. But I made it through--even though it seemed as though all powers of earth and hell were combining to stop me from getting to Oklahoma!

"And then I got pulled over"

After I finally made it through the Denver area, the weather cleared up just in time for it to get dark. I knew I was in the middle of nowhere when the city signs would post their elevation because it was higher than their population. And I started getting tired. I thought maybe I would speed just so I could get pulled over and talk to another human being! But I didn't even have to speed! I got pulled over anyway! Really, it was just because the license plate light on my car was burned out, but I still think the policeman was shocked when he pulled over a 92 red oldsmobile achieva in the middle of the night and this nice looking college age female opens the door. He was shocked, I just got a warning, and everything was great.

"Everything's bigger in Texas"

I was relieved once I made it through Colorado and into Texas. By this time it was nearing 2 am and I had been driving since 4:30 am the day before. And I was tired. When I passed a large Texas border town, I realized that since I could no longer see the exit signs because my eyes hurt so badly, it was time to stop for a nap. But a single female sleeping in a car in the middle of the night? I finally chose a well-lit McDonalds parking lot and parked next to the drive thru, pulled my jacket over my head, and took a nap. An hour later when I woke up, I was still exhausted and quite disoriented (it was 3am!) but it was time to keep going. I pulled out of the parking lot and turned left onto the road, only to hear a loud thump. Everything's bigger in Texas, and yep, I had just driven over the concrete median. Then, I turned right onto a one way street. And I was going the wrong way. So I turned around and turned onto another road, only to realize that I needed the next street, so flipped a u-ie only to realize that I was once again going the wrong way on a one way street.

Whose idea was it to make 4-lane one way streets, anyway?

By this time I realized that I had forgotten to turn my lights on so fixed that minor detail and went merrily on my way.

"Don't stop here"

An hour later, still driving through the middle of nowhere, I realized that I wasn't going to make it without a little more sleep. Did I mention I have narcolepsy? So I found an exit with a gas station and a hotel close to the freeway and went to park in the hotel parking lot for another hour of sleep. I pulled my jacket over my head once again but common sense and the Spirit made me unable to sleep. I realized that, although I had "safely" chosen a hotel parking lot, the hotel only had about 10 rooms, the attendant was not at the desk, and the gas station next door was also not staffed. I was a single female, it was 4 am, and I was in the middle of nowhere. Not exactly the safest situation.

So, with more than a little prompting from the Spirit, I started my car and once again prayed. I was too tired to keep going but it was too dangerous to stay, so I drove on. And I stayed awake.

"Who needs GPS when you have gas station attendants?"

About this time I realized that somewhere in the night and about an hour before, I had missed some turn off and I was now on my way to Oklahoma City, 2 hours out of my way. Well, I am so old-school (or cheap) that I don't even have GPS in my car, or on my phone. So what do you do when google maps fail you? Pull over and ask a gas station attendant!

When I finally found a station that was open at 4 am, I pulled over, walked in, and asked the man (and all the truckers in the store, because they all stopped and stared when I walked in!) what the quickest way to get to Lawton was.

Well, he checked his map (not a map of Texas, which is what I was expecting, but a map of the ENTIRE UNITED STATES! It was on a wall in the "Truckers retreat" and had all the major truck routes on it) and informed me that if I would just take the road in front of the gas station and make a few turns, the road would take me all the way to Lawton. Just one problem, he said, the route was quite deserted and I would only run into one city before Lawton: "Atlis? Altis? A-L-T-U-S...I don't know how to say it." That's what he said. And that mention of that one city saved my life. He was definitely prompted by God to tell me that, because there were several forks in the road I took and none of them mentioned Lawton, but all of them mentioned Altus! Heavenly Father really guided my journey the whole way.

"BARBEQUE!"

Oh, and one more problem, the gas station attendant said. "Watch out for the deer!" The deer? I panicked, thinking that the last thing I needed was to hit a deer on a deserted road (I did see 3 semis the whole 2 hours I drove on it!) in the middle of the night. And then one of the truckers, who had been listening the whole time, said, "If yu hit a deer, nooo problam. BARBEQUE!"

I guess that works a lot better for semis than for an Oldsmobile.

"My phone died"

I made it safely to Lawton (and didn't hit any deer!) and called my friend Shayla to get directions to her house. And as soon as she picked up my phone died.

Great.

Well, like I said, who needs GPS. I prayed some more (did I mention the 2 hour prayer to not hit a deer I had just finished?) and found her house. Don't mind that it was 6:30 in the morning and I had been driving since 4:30 am the day before. I walked in, exchanged pleasantries, and fell asleep.

"A Flash Flood"

3 hours later, I woke up, showered, ate lunch, and continued on my way. I wanted to get to Kaitlyn's before midnight, and 3 hours of sleep is plenty, right?

And then, on into Texas, I ran into a flash flood. Remember Matilda's windshield wipers? Yeah, I couldn't see one bit. But I pulled into a parking lot to wait it out.

"That's not a curb"

I realize these entries are getting shorter and shorter. Perhaps it correlates with the hours of sleep that I had gotten.

So when I passed through the flash flood (I got impatient in the parking lot and started driving again) I started worrying that I had missed a turn off (since I couldn't see anything in the rain). So once again, I pulled into a gas station to ask for directions. I stepped out of my car and onto the curb, only to fall flat on my face, with my glasses falling off and my purse contents spilling everywhere. Yeah, it wasn't a curb, just a curb edge without the sidewalk next to it. Basically, just a big bump. I stood up, grabbed my glasses and purse, and casually walked into the station, pretending as though the bored attendants who had just witnessed everything hadn't seen what just happened.

Well, I finally got to Pearland. I got to Kaitlyn's house. By this time I was so delirious that I kept falling over while talking to her. Kind of awkward.

I had a wonderful time there, a great drive back to Oklahoma to visit Shayla, and a fine ride home. I took the southern route this time. The only problem? A blizzard going through Spanish Fork canyon the last hour and a half of my 60 hour trip. And it was a scary as everything else put together.

But, 3,503 miles and $300 dollars in gas later, I made it.

So next time, will I fly? No way! Where will I get material for my crazy stories if I fly?